How about a little sanity this time.

Hi,

   This entry is an attempt to try and explain the last entry.  I was more frustrated than I've been in a very long time by my situation.  But let me explain and maybe you'll see what I mean. 

   I'm obviously not going to get the computer-at least not for a couple of weeks, maybe as long as a month.  There's some kind of backorder on the hard drive, the owner doesn't want to refund my deposit.  In all fairness, there is a sign on the wall that states "No Refunds", the hard drive will be here eventually, it's not the stores fault, just my crappy luck.  To top it all off, the cable bill wasn't paid, so now there may not even an internet connection to hook up to even if I did have a computer.  At least till they pay the bill.  But not by me!  I don't watch the TV, I don't play with the XBox online or off, so that bill isn't mine.  

   I've been so frustrated by this situation, that yesterday I just wanted to throw my hands in the air, and inanimate objects at anyone who was in any was remotely involved in this.   I was at the point of just giving up. Period.  After a day to allow reason to return, I have to amend some of the things that I said.  I know that eventually I will get that computer, but right now patience is not a virtue of mine.  I may have to set up some sort of internet for myself, even dial-up for the time being, if things aren't paid and turned back on at the house. 

   I also know that I will be back here writing-eventually.  I'm just going to take some time away from here, get myself composed, centered, and some perspective on the whole thing.   Going to the library is all fine and good, they don't mind at all, but my whole day is plotted around the library's hours, and of course my work schedules.  I can't concentrate when I have to watch the clock so closely, and at the library here in town they're 15 minutes behind....Anyway, it's hard to check email, read journals, do searches, and try to get everything that I want done in the short time that I have. 

   She's filled her coffee cup, burned her tongue on the first sip, which seems to be a daily ritual, and is heading back to her bedroom.  Once inside she knows that she can sit down at her desk, open her laptop and start reading the daily adventures of all her friends and acquaintances in J-Land, take a break, make some toast, get a refill on the coffee, and go back online for awhile, after all it's only 5:30am and she has hours yet before the bulk of her day begins......

    Just a little daydream there.  Sorry about all the drama and incoherence.  See ya soon....

                           ~Thanks for Stopping by~

I shouldn't have said anything....

   If I ever start to talk about something that I want to try to do for myself, buy for myself, take time off and go somewhere, just smack my in the head remind me that it's not going to happen and to just forget about it.  I must have a huge load of negative karma over me from a past life or something....   When things like this happen, it makes me feel like I not worth good things.  Like I haven't earned the right to have something nice, some exciting experience, to do something that I'd enjoy.   That I expect too much from my life.

   I am not getting a laptop.  I am not even going to try to get one at a later date.  I am giving up.  I'm going to take a break from writing here and visiting your journals.  It just feels like I don't belong....even here.  Like I've overstepped my boundaries and now it's time to go back to the way my life was.  Like I've peeked over the fence and seen some of the outside, but now it's time to crawl back and forget about it. 

   This isn't really an entry that I expect to get many comments from.  It's an entry that I had to write so that I could say I really enjoyed my time here and meeting(in cyber) all of you.  And....

                             ~Thanks For Stopping By~

In like a lion and.....

    As March fades into past-month obscurity, we are finally seeing some warmer temperatures and maybe rain for the last few days of the month.  Not that I'll notice all that much.  I'll be busy learning how to use my new(well to me) Toshiba Satellite.  A sassy little notebook with more power and memory than I'll ever use.  Although Son debates that.  That's right... Hopefully tomorrow or Friday at the latest.....

     I will Finally have a laptop!!!

As you can tell, I'm pretty excited about this.  I received my retention bonus from my job and decided to spend it on ME!  I began searching online for available laptops-used or refurbished, and listened to Son scare me about buying on ebay, the hazards of buying sight unseen. Yada, Yada, Yada...  So I went to the local computer repair store and low and behold there it was.  It has to have a new hard-drive installed, that's why I have to wait to pick it up.  It was alittle more than I wanted to spend, but I am looking for something that will be dependable, portable, and last me a long time.  I'll be able to burn CD's, listen to music, watch movies(if I wanted to), carry it around to all the wireless hotspots in the area(all 5 that I know of right now), and once I get a wireless router for home, sit in my bedroom and type my little heart out.  You'll probably get tired of my being here all the time.  I'll be so excited to have my very own computer, that I can use anytime I want to-the library just isn't open if I get the urge to write at 5:30 in the morning, even though they have been so good about me tromping in and out on an almost daily basis-and sit here(actually that would be there-in my bedroom) with a cup of coffee and a smoke and just let the inspiration overtake my brain.  Who knows, I may become a famous journalist, all because I finally have my very own laptop and can just let the words come pouring out.  :::sigh::: I'm so excited!  Can you tell? 

    We got some snow yesterday, about 5" of the heavy wet snow that is so slippery, but witht the temperatures that they have forecast for the next week or so, almost all of the snow should be gone, and things will start to look like the spring that has been on the calendar for the last 6 days.  I've got the urge to start some little plants in pots, but will have to wait till I can figure out some sort of lighting system for them in the limited space I have-maybe a small one on top of the dresser or something.  I think it's a true case of spring fever.   I was even eyeballing the sandals in my closet last weekend when I was working in my room, and locating the boxes that have my summer clothes.  I am just ready to leave the dull, cold, dreary winter landscape and frame of mind behind, and get things going.  I don't want to miss any of the good weather coming our way.  Will I be able to take my laptop outside and receive the wireless signal from inside the house?  I know I have kind of a one track mind right now.....

   I have to go have some lunch and get ready for my 4-7 shift this evening.  I'll be back sooner than I have been lately even if I don't really have that much to say, because I'll have my new laptop in a day or two.......there I go again.  ;-)

                                       ~Thanks For Stopping By~

 

 

Been awhile, huh?

     Sorry about the odd color combination, but I'm excited about Spring arriving!  The Vernal Equinox is at 1:48am EDT, March 20, 2008.  FINALLY!!!!!  It's been a long snowy winter here in this northern paradise.  And yes, most of the time it is a paradise.  And yes, I know some think the snow is paradise.  Clear lakes, clean air, forests and wildlife a stones throw away.  Uncongested highways and a pace that you set-slower, laid back or faster, get ahead and get the job done.  No hurricanes to blow the house down, hardly ever a tornado, 95 degrees is a scorcher of a day.  The most miserable weather can usually just be shovelled away-and waited out.  

    So, what have I been doing the last couple of weeks?  Well, my client hours go up and down, my thumbnail is growing, but still needs protected  with a bandaid to keep it from catching on things, the weather has been getting warmer, the snow is melting, critters are climbing out of their winter hideaways, my efforts to eat alittle healthier have resulted in losing a couple of pounds without even trying.  There just really isn't that much going on right now.  I got my suspension fixed-$375.  Still computerless, but hopeful.  I've moved my bedroom furniture around again.  Still struggling to pare down the "stuff" in my possession-can we say phffttt.......?

    Other than that there's not really much to talk about.  I made Corned Beef and Cabbage for my client last night.  I love it, but am not allowed to cook cabbage in the house.   Bro refers to it as toxic waste, so an opportunity to cook it elsewhere and eat to my hearts content......Yummy!!!   I haven't gotten any further on the creative process of designing a quilt for Son.  One of these days it will just pop into my head and I'll be all set.  I could never work in a creative field.  I can't force inspiration, so deadlines would just stress me out.  Even when I write in here, there's not much planning, I just sit down and start writing.  The few stories I've posted have been written in the same basic manner, just cleaned up and copied into here.  

    I'll try to think of something to say and pop in alittle more often....

    Until then....

                                    ~Thanks for Stopping By~ 

   

17 Days till the Equinox! (That's Spring)

    It looks like I've got the afternoon off, and what better way to spend it than just rambling through some of the things going on here in my little world.  First, March roared in like a Lion.  It was supposed to be a quiet morning weather wise, but I found 3" of snow on my car when I left for work at 6am Saturday.  It snowed till just about noon.  The weather system we were supposed to get yesterday slowed down and isn't doing much of any thing right now.  There was a light rain this morning, and we're supposed to get some sleet and snow(2"to 4") this afternoon and evening.  Then more snow tomorrow night into Wednesday, and small snow "events" for the rest of the week.  That means that March had better shape up and slip mildly out the door on the 31st!

    My work has slowed down.  I've got 2 clients in the hospital and one that moved to another agency as we can't provide the services that she needs.  This will only be temporary(she whispers hopefully).  And if it isn't I'll file for part-time unemployment, to help me through till I have a full schedule again.  Which ought to be about the time the weather starts getting nice and warm and sunny.  When everyone else can afford to take time off to go do fun things.  ::sigh::  Actually, I should have one client returning home this week.  This is one of the hazards of this line of work, not a really dependable workload.

   I do have some things that I'd like to get done while I have all this extra time. It also seems like a fine time to get a headstart on the spring cleaning.  Too cold to open any windows to the fresh air yet, but  Dustbunnies beware!!!  I found some material that will make a nice filmy curtain over the bamboo shades that are up in my one bedroom window.  I still have to create the design for the quilt I want to make for my son.  Yesterday, I had some scrap material squares out on the kitchen table playing around with a few designs-waiting patiently for inspiration to whack me over the head.  It had better hurry, I'm getting itchy fingers.  I also need to reorganize my bookcase before it topples over.  I have a bad habit of just shoving books and magazines at it till it's overflowing and it's definitely at thatstage.

    I'll be taking my car to my mechanic tomorrow.  I don't know how serious the rattling sound coming from the right rear wheel is, but with my luck.....  I thought about looking for another car, but I'm just not ready to give up on this one.  I wouldn't get much on a trade in for it even in good shape, so I may as well drive it for awhile longer, save some money for a down payment.  Then there's a car payment to deal with every month, and changing the insurance coverage.  Not hassles that I'm looking forward to dealing with yet.  She's only got 182,000 miles on her!

    I've got to stop at the market and pick up a few groceries and now that I've mentioned spring cleaning, a few supplies for that.  I may as well go get started accomplishing all these things that I'd like to do with the extra time I have right now.  So...

                               ~Thanks for Stopping By~

On a Snowy Winter Day

    As she prepares to eat her dinner, a routine that varies little on a day to day basis, a slight  movement caught in the corner of her eye causes her to scan her surroundings.  As she spys the source of movement, she smiles inwardly.  This also is a daily constant.  As their eyes meet across the expanse of yard, behind glass and fence respectively, there is a moment of careful connection.  A moment of observation of the differences of their worlds.  A speculation of the creature so different, yet so alike in instincts, as only a female, a child of the goddess would understand. With a graceful  nod of  her head, she returns to her meal. For a few moments her thoughts turn to survival.  The survival of all creatures, in this, one of the coldest, snowiest winters of her memory.  Realizing that those same instincts contain the knowledge required to move through the days ahead to greet another spring, she glances up in wonder.  Her counterpart is certainly a puzzle.  In awe of the continuation of life through all this adversity, she raises her face to her companion.  With a curious smile and a shake of her head, she comments on the strength that must be  needed to endure.  "I don't how they do it, these baffling creatures that close themselves up behind glass and wood.  Is it a type of hibernation?"  "No," confides her companion, " it's their inability to keep warm.  They remove their fur, you know."  As the two does stroll of toward their beds deep in the woods, the woman behind the glass wonders how they manage to stay warm through this, one of the coldest, snowiest winters of her memory.

                               ~Thanks For Stopping By~