A Novel Idea

    ::sigh::  Why can't I get the font and size I want on here......

   Sorry, got distracted there for a minute, the next sentence is actually the real beginning of this entry.

    "I'm very tired.  I've done my best, but it's never quite good enough.  It's exhausting to never be quite good enough."    This sentence just caught at my breath.

    A quote from a novel.  "High Noon" by Nora Roberts-one of my favorite authors.  You just never know where you're going to find a statement, a sight, an idea that so resonates with your own life. 

    I was sitting at the table drinking the warmed up remains of last night's coffee, waiting for the fresh pot to finish brewing, when I read that sentence. The light bulb that goes on(you know, the one in the cartoon bubble) when you come up with a bright idea or realization, clicked on.  An energy efficient one, of course, as I try to be earth conscious.  And shining bright in my mind was the realization that that particular sentence applied to my life, so wholly.  I looked tired, I felt tired, I "was" tired.  For 40(before 10 years of age, that's not so much a problem) odd years I'd just been too tired to notice what I was doing to myself.  Yes, that's what I said-Doing to myself!  My inner critic was leaving me feeling exhausted from the pervasive negativity running through my mind and soul. 

    Now that I've learned to tune out that inner critic, learned to look at my life with a more positive perspective(most of the time), I'm not so exhausted.  On the day that I decided enough was enough, that I needed to look at my "self" with a clearer eye, the critic faded into the background and became inconsequential.  Yes, it's still there in the periphery and once in a while will sneak in some degradation, but now I listen with a different ear.  Now I know how to listen.  How to turn that negativity into inspiration to improve my life.  Don't get me wrong, there are negatives that need work, and there are things that I can't change.  But now instead of feeling helpless and hopeless, I feel motivated to fix and improve what I can, and to accept with clear vision, what I can't.  As I work to turn that motivation into action, I am inspired with the hope and knowledge that when I stumble, I can get back up and keep moving forward.  As I sit here straining my poor caffiene deprived brain to finish this, I've got hundreds of little sparks of ideas just waiting their turn to spring forth. 

    I'm closing this entry now, to go feed those sparks some coffee-precious energy-so with coffee cup, pen and paper in hand, who knows where it will lead.  Who knows what I can become.  And, I am so excited.  Just from one novel idea.

                                ~Thanks For Stopping By~