Saturday, October 6, 2007

The way things are. My mood- More resigned.

   I don't know why I bother selecting a font, size and color, here.  The old puter just can't seem to handle it. ::sigh::  At least it still types and functions for the most part.

   After a long night of tossing and turning, with my mind bouncing all over the place, the Devil and the Angel on my shoulders coming to blows in their fight to influence my decisions, I got up this morning and did what I had to do, before I changed my mind.  I called the radio station and told them I couldn't use the tickets.  That way they have time to give them away to someone else(the lucky dog).  The DJ was very nice, sorry you can't come to the show--yadda, yadda.

   I am so sick and tired of doing the right thing all the time.  The Angel on my shoulder is pretty powerful(overbearing bitch).  So, now I'm sitting here feeling just as sad, but more resigned about it.  There are times in your life that the good things just aren't supposed to happen.  The consequences of that can be pretty steep, trying to be foolish and go against what you know to be the best thing to do.  I have enough guilt in my life as it is.  Yes, I am very hard on myself, but ... I don't know how to finish that sentence.  I learned a long time ago not to ask for things from others.  That just leads to disappointment, when an unfulfilled request goes by the wayside.  So I just don't ask.  And most of the time I manage to live with that okay. 

   So now, I'm going to work on getting past this.  I won't be listening to the radio, they play the bands alot and are promoting the hell out of this show.  I've got some very nice CD's with relaxing instrumental music, and some Classic Rock that I haven't listened to in a long time, Kansas is my favorite.  So, I'll play those, keep to myself, work on some of the things I need to be doing(now that I'll have a lighter schedule), go for some walks and seek some peace.  Telling anyone here at the house, how I feel about things will only lead to more discord.  I'm one of those people that just can't handle the stress.  I lived with that for way too many years.  So, I'll write, get my feelings down on paper, in my private journals, meditate and read something inspirational.  And just fight to be okay. 

  I want to thank you all for being here, for being supportive.  Reaching out into this world is so vital to my days, reading and writing here is very thereputic and soothing.  I'm going to return you to your regularly scheduled journal entries, now.  Maybe I'll go for a walk this morning and write about how beautiful it is with all the leaves changing colors and the fresh breeze blowing-that I can see out my window even now. 

Thanks for stopping by...

  

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

well, I am sorry it coldn't be saved.

maybe you should have a hissy fit on the others about not doing their part?  I would, i think.

take care

Tina

Anonymous said...

Oh Leigh I am so sorry you are not going to go. I am so serious about sending you the money it would be a gift not a loan!! Call the station back and tell them you found a way to go and I will wire you the funds you need to go. Consider it a birthday gift. You deserve this and have worked so hard pleasing others take this time for YOU!!! I think you really need this. Everybody should have moments in their life when things just work out perfectly let this be one of those times for you...It would make me happy to do this...smiles....
                                                                                         Lovins...
                                                                                         TrayCee

Anonymous said...

That just sucks........


                Sunny :-(

Anonymous said...

So you didn't "win" tickets, just the right to pay for them? Could you explain, cause from out here, it doesn't make any sense why you can't afford "free" tickets.

Anonymous said...

I completely feel your sadness right now.  Your disappointment has me in tears.  Good things will happen to you.  I have a good feeling about you and your future.  You have a very good heart.  Try to keep a positive outlook and don't bring yourself down.  Reality can hit you like a rock.  But you can overcome disappointment with a smile and love in your heart.  Go out for a walk today.  Don't allow yourself to fall into a state of depression sweetie.  Stay strong and look forward and be determined to not let negativity rule your life.  Make today the first day of the rest of your life.  Luv ya!

Allison

Anonymous said...

I just read both entries... and I think you have to speak to your brother and nephew... enough is enough.  It is great to help out when you have it... but you don't so time for them to belly up to the bar and do what is right.  And, if they aren't smart enough to do it without being told... well, then tell them.  

{{{ Leigh }}}  I am so sorry about the concert... sending you prayers and hugs... and please unload here anytime!

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/

Anonymous said...

Part of seeking peace in your life, comes from standing up for yourself and not allowing anyone to walk all over you. Your brother and nephew obviously know you won't stand up to them, so they blantantly go ahead and abuse the situation. That's what it is, plain and simple...abuse. They are abusing your feelings, you situation, the money, and above all you by being so inconsiderate. Your a wonderful, compassionate human being hon. Yet I'm betting their is a tremendous amount of strength in you as well. Peace comes when your spirit is comfortable, at ease with itself. You can't find those elements in a situation where your being taken advantage of. I respect what you want to do, but as a friend it seems a shame that these two will continue along the lines they are. You supported and took care of your brother while he was out of work. It's his turn to step up to the plate. (Hugs) Indigo