The way things are. My mood- More resigned.

   I don't know why I bother selecting a font, size and color, here.  The old puter just can't seem to handle it. ::sigh::  At least it still types and functions for the most part.

   After a long night of tossing and turning, with my mind bouncing all over the place, the Devil and the Angel on my shoulders coming to blows in their fight to influence my decisions, I got up this morning and did what I had to do, before I changed my mind.  I called the radio station and told them I couldn't use the tickets.  That way they have time to give them away to someone else(the lucky dog).  The DJ was very nice, sorry you can't come to the show--yadda, yadda.

   I am so sick and tired of doing the right thing all the time.  The Angel on my shoulder is pretty powerful(overbearing bitch).  So, now I'm sitting here feeling just as sad, but more resigned about it.  There are times in your life that the good things just aren't supposed to happen.  The consequences of that can be pretty steep, trying to be foolish and go against what you know to be the best thing to do.  I have enough guilt in my life as it is.  Yes, I am very hard on myself, but ... I don't know how to finish that sentence.  I learned a long time ago not to ask for things from others.  That just leads to disappointment, when an unfulfilled request goes by the wayside.  So I just don't ask.  And most of the time I manage to live with that okay. 

   So now, I'm going to work on getting past this.  I won't be listening to the radio, they play the bands alot and are promoting the hell out of this show.  I've got some very nice CD's with relaxing instrumental music, and some Classic Rock that I haven't listened to in a long time, Kansas is my favorite.  So, I'll play those, keep to myself, work on some of the things I need to be doing(now that I'll have a lighter schedule), go for some walks and seek some peace.  Telling anyone here at the house, how I feel about things will only lead to more discord.  I'm one of those people that just can't handle the stress.  I lived with that for way too many years.  So, I'll write, get my feelings down on paper, in my private journals, meditate and read something inspirational.  And just fight to be okay. 

  I want to thank you all for being here, for being supportive.  Reaching out into this world is so vital to my days, reading and writing here is very thereputic and soothing.  I'm going to return you to your regularly scheduled journal entries, now.  Maybe I'll go for a walk this morning and write about how beautiful it is with all the leaves changing colors and the fresh breeze blowing-that I can see out my window even now. 

Thanks for stopping by...